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These are the quotes that will never be seen in Bartlets, but which express their meaning more fully than Shakespeare on his finest day. They convey the exact sentiment intended by their speaker even when completely separated from their context (in some places, they make as little sense in any context as in their original). They stand alone, but serve to enhance the scenes in which they are played; they are, in a word, perfect.

"We're criminals mostly... sleep out in parks, bloodthirsty shit like that"
  - Woody Harrelson, The Cowboy Way

"Look, but don't touch. Touch, but don't taste. Taste, but don't swallow."
  - Al Pacino, The Devil's Advocate

"You know what I really want in a girl? Me."
  - Jimmy Pop, Bloodhound Gang

"Not everyone has a soul these days"
  - Eric Moore

"The Federation is like the Jehova's Witnesses on the doorstep of the universe"
  - Eric Moore

"God is dead and no one cares. If there is a hell, i'll see you there"
  - Trent Reznor, NIN

"Success just sorta snuck up on Mike like a windshield sneaks up on a bug."
  - Case of Mike's Hard Lemonade

"It can always get worse."
  - Ving Rhames, Bringing Out The Dead

"I'll give you meaning, let you figure out my state: she's ten days late."
  - Third Eye Blind, Ten Days Late

"Life is ours, we live it our way."
  - Metallica, Nothing Else Matters

"Think about the good things that I did to you.
And think about the bad things that I didn't do."
  - Crystal Method, Jaded

"Penny for your thoughts, $20 to act them out."
  - Sticker

"Gas, grass or ass, nobody rides for free"
  - Sticker

"We guard you while you sleep. Do not fuck with us!"
  - Brad Pitt, Fight Club

"You have to consider the possibility that God does not like you."
  - Brad Pitt, Fight Club

"I'll bring everything you see here, plus everything you don't"
  - Uma Thurman, Batman & Robin

"You need a man, if only for ten minutes."
  - Jeanine Garofalo, Dogma

"All you need to start an asylum is an empty room and the right kind of people."
  - Eugene Pallette, My Man Godfrey

"The whole golf ball - garden hose thing is overrated; I want a woman who can drink a fresh Wendy's Frosty through a straw."
  - Kevin Moore

"She told me to go to hell, and she said it like she knew the way."
  - Unknown, in Tales From the Crypt

"You can round any number into significance."
  - Kevin Moore

" I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
  - Albert Einstein

"Censors are retards basically."
  - Ronda

"Gravity: A harsh mistress."
  - The Tick

"Short answer: No, with an if, long answer: Yes, with a but."
  - Reverend Lovejoy, The Simpsons

"Looks like you kind of took the stupid way out!"
  - Nick Cage, Snake Eyes

"Chaotic Evil means never having to say you're sorry."
  - fortune page

"The Difference between Porn and Art is Shadows"
  - G. Scott,

"A man is only as old as the woman he feels"
  - Groucho Marx

"I drink to make other people interesting"
  - Groucho Marx

"The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is it's inefficiency."
  - Eugene McCarthy

"I want to separate sin from crime. You may have to ask forgiveness for your sins from God, but not from the Minister of Justice."
  - Pierre Elliott Trudeau

"Carrot Cake Soup is like the taste of watching girls make out."
  - Tycho from PennyArcade

"What is the difference between erotic sex and kinky sex?
During erotic sex you use a feather, during kinky sex you use the whole chicken."
  - Aaron's Jokes

"yes, fuck you, i'm a friggin angel"
  - mikah leone

"I've got a million bucks and a fire pole, fuck you!"
  - Eric Moore

© 2003